It was hard to Watch!
By: Shaken
Hello,
Last weekend, I convinced my girlfriend to go to a swinger's club with me. I'd been fantasizing about it for a while, the idea of us stepping into that world, meeting other people, living out something taboo together. I honestly thought I'd be the one leading the way. The reality hit me so much harder than I ever imagined.
We walked in, nervous but excited. I was still taking it all in, the music, the dim lighting, couples chatting and touching openly. I thought we'd grab a drink, maybe scope out the room, take our time. But within minutes of us arriving, some guy walked right up to her. Tall, confident, broad-shouldered, towering over her like he owned the place. He put his hand on her arm, made her laugh, and before I'd even figured out where the bar was, he was guiding her toward one of the play areas.
I just stood there, frozen. I remember thinking, wait, already?
I told myself it was fine, this was the whole point, right? But it all felt surreal. I watched her sit down with him, my gf next to him, watched his hand slide up her thigh like it belonged there. And then, suddenly, her dress was hiked up and she was straddling him, her body pressed against his much larger one, kissing him like they'd known each other forever.
I kept expecting her to glance back at me, to smile, to make sure I was okay. She didn't. She was completely focused on him.
I tried to play it cool, tried to wander the room like I was looking for someone too. But everywhere I went, I could still hear her. The moans, the sound of her body being moved around so easily by his, it carried across the space. And every time I came back around, it had escalated: first she was grinding on his lap, looking hot in his arms, then bent over with him towering behind her, then lying back while he fucked her like she was the only woman there.
And that wasn't the end of it. That was just the start.
The night stretched on and on. Hours passed. He never left her side. They switched positions, moved to different areas, took breaks only to start up again. I'd see them laughing together, then minutes later she'd be on her knees in front of him, her hands barely able to hold him, or bent over a couch with him completely covering her body, or on top of him again, looking swallowed up as she rode him hard. She didn't just give in once and then come back to me. She spent the entire night with him.
Meanwhile, I was walking circles like some lost idiot. I tried talking to a few women, but most looked past me like they knew exactly who I was. A couple even smiled politely and moved away. I felt invisible. Every rejection made it worse, because all I had to do was turn my head and there she was, being taken over and over again by this man who dwarfed her, who tossed her around like she weighed nothing, who made her look so small and delicate under him.
By the time it was close to midnight, I was still empty-handed, still pacing around, and she was still going strong. Her hair was a mess, her face flushed, her little body slick with sweat. She looked like she was having the time of her life, like she'd been waiting for this all along. And I was still just standing there, watching, aching, shocked that it hadn't slowed down, shocked that I hadn't once gotten her attention.
When the lights finally came up and people started leaving, she was still with him. They shared a long kiss before she came back to me. I didn't even know what to say. I just stood there, replaying every moment in my head, wondering how something I thought I wanted had turned into me spending an entire night watching my girlfriend get used again and again by a man twice her size while I couldn't find a single person to touch me.
I thought I wanted this. I thought I could handle it. But seeing her go at it for hours with him while I wandered alone, that shook me in ways I wasn't prepared for.
Shaken
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