My wife and I have been into cuckolding for years and "active" for the past few months. By active I mean she has actively started looking for guys, swapped pics with many, chat sessioned with some and even met up with a select few for some late night car cock sucking from guys we met on dating sites. She's not actually fucked a guy yet, but is very keen to in the near future.
I've been really enjoying this so far. We have run into a few issues and have talked through them and, overall, things have moved ahead pretty smoothly. We've gotten closer emotionally and sexually and our sex life has never been better. But there is one recurring issue that I'm not thrilled about and with it looking increasingly likely that she'll fuck her first guy within the next two weeks, I'm here looking to write this out and see where it takes me.
The problem is that I'm feeling a bit left out. Before she started looking for guys, we sat and talked about what we both wanted out of this. I told her that she's the one that gets to go out and have the fun, but I need to be getting something out of it too. Sure, I love the idea that she has her sexual freedom and it's a wonderful feeling knowing that at that very moment she has some other guy's cock in her mouth. I also love the humiliation (especially cock size comparisons) and the sexual denial parts of cuckolding. But that's all not really enough for me. I told her I really liked the idea of reading the hot conversations she has with these guys, of seeing the pictures she teases them with, of looking at pictures and watching videos of her in action with these guys, of hearing the stories of what she's been up to, of figuring out ways for me to watch or listen live via chat or over the phone, of her texting me telling me what's happening at that very moment. (One of my biggest desires is to text her asking her what she's up to and get nothing back except a pic of her with a cock in her mouth, cum on her face, getting fucked, condom wrappers or used condoms.) Those are the things that really get me excited about the whole concept of cuckolding and that's what I wanted to get out of it. To which she agreed. We didn't set these as hard rules, no "You must send me x number of pictures and bring back x minutes of video for each encounter", kind of thing. But it was agreed that these were my expectations. I thought that would have been enough.
However, that's not how things have turned out. When things started off, she would show me the profiles of guys she was chatting with and the cock pics they would send her. Teasing discussions comparing the size of their cock with mine. Discussions that always led to some really fun nights for us. But things started to take a turn when she got to the point where she was sending pics back. She became very secretive about what she was sending them. Sneaking off to the bathroom for ages to take pics, turning her phone away from me when I enter a room and telling me "Go away. Don't look. I'm sending pics to people." She looked shy so I know it wasn't out of meanness.
After a few weeks of this, I'd had enough and told her I didn't like how secretive she was being about something that we agreed would be an open and shared experience. That secrets were the line between cuckolding and cheating. She said She was too embarrassed to share the things that were being said and sent. After this discussion she became a lot more open about what she was doing and sent me a heap of pictures that she'd sent guys over the last few weeks. Thing is, there was nothing in the pics or conversations that I had a problem with. They were just tit pics and sex talk. Nothing that set off any alarms. She said she was just embarrassed about me seeing her be so openly sexual with other guys. I told her I understood, but she needn't be embarrassed. That I wanted her to be perfectly open and transparent about it all. That was about a month ago now. So far so good.
I also know she's been doing video chats with some guys. Chats that aren't exactly PG rated. She's made no secret of the sexy chats. I've come home from work several times to find dildos still on the bed, wet patches on the sheets and the camera mount still up. She's even straight up told me when I've asked her on the phone what she got up to today. I love that she's doing these chats. I find the idea really hot. But again, I don't feel like she's living up to her side of the bargain and I'm feeling left out. She does these chats while I'm at work. I've asked her to do some when I'm at home so I can watch off camera, but she says she's too embarrassed to have me there watching. I've also asked her just to record the chat so I can watch it later. Sometimes she promises, sometimes she refuses. Either way, she hasn't recorded a single one yet and when I ask her to tell me the details of what happened, she refuses, says its private.
This embarrassment only seems to happen to me though. She has never sent me dirty pics or video chat sexed with me. Not when we were dating, not since we've been married. She always refused. She won't even let us have sex with the light on. It has to be pitch dark so I can't see her. She's more than happy to do pics and videos with these guys though, baring all. But as soon as I try to be involved by asking to watch or for her to forward things on to me she's too embarrassed to let me.
My biggest gripe though, has been from her hookups. A few weeks ago she went out at night to meet up with a guy she had been chatting with. The intention of the meeting was purely for her to suck his cock. All three of us were aware of this. I was filled with a mixture of nerves and excitement. I was very clear about my expectations. This was her first experience with another guy since we had met, in close to ten years, losing her "cuckold virginity" so to speak. It was very important to me that she record the whole thing so we could share it together when she got back. She neither agreed, nor disagreed. Told me she had to go, the guy was already waiting at the location, and left.
When she got back, she kissed me for a long time, showed me the cum on her shirt and in her hair and then we went to the bedroom. When I asked about the video she said there was none. She said she was going to, but then decided it was too much hassle and that they were on an unlit street and she didn't want to turn the interior lights on in case they were seen by somebody, so I wouldn't have been able to see anything in a video anyway. I understood and knew she was really embarrassed again so I asked for details. She said recalling it out loud makes it sound like a piece of bad erotica and she doesn't like that. So overall, it was an exciting experience, but in the end, not as much as I wanted out of it.
Since then she's met up with two more guys for car blow jobs. Each time I've reminded her about what we agreed I wanted to get out of this whole endeavour, and both times no video but she did gets pics with this one guy so it's a start, and I was happy.
With her now talking about meeting up with a guy for her first fuck within the next couple of weeks I've really been pressing the issue. I've told her it was disappointing not to have gotten anything from her first oral cucking experience, but that it's ok as long as she really makes an effort to get lots of great stuff for me this time as this is her losing her real cuckold virginity since it's going to be actual fucking. She has agreed. But by this point, I really have my doubts. I'm worried that this will just be an ongoing thing all the time. I'll be extremely disappointed if I don't get to see any video of her first time with another guy, there can never be another first time. But if this keeps happening all the time and she never sends me or brings me back anything, then I really don't know what to do.
We've both always enjoyed the idea of cuckolding and I still do. I love it and I really don't want her to stop. But on the other hand, I'm not feeling like I'm getting everything out of it that I want and that we agreed. We've talked about it several times. Her responses vary from accepting and agreeing to improve, to excuses about it being too difficult or inconvenient or ruining the mood and all that. Sometimes she accuses me of only being interested in what I am or aren't getting out of it and not thinking of her and her needs. That I should be more considerate and think about how trying to get me videos and pictures can negatively impact on the fun she's having. That I've been watching too much porn and I'm too caught up in the cuckolding fantasy I've built in my head and not being realistic. That I should get enough enjoyment just knowing that she's out there doing this stuff. That forcing the pic and video issue is infringing on the sexual freedom I claim I want her to have. She's also been giving me tonnes of extra affection and sexual attention, so she says I have no reason to feel left out. It is nice that she's been putting in the extra effort and giving me the extra attention and I am really enjoying it and appreciative, but it doesn't really address or solve the problem at hand.
I know I can't expect a full video of every experience, it's not reasonable. I also know that shit happens and sometimes she may genuinely not be able to get any pics or video for some reason. But I think that it's not unreasonable to expect a good amount of material most of the time. At the very least one or two pics. But I feel like I'm missing out on too much here and she's not really interested on working to change that.
Edit: Thank you so much webmaster! This is a note written after her first fuck. After a long and honest talk with my wife (recommended to me by the webmaster), we agreed to always have a video. She admitted that she felt like such a slut and that she wasn't raised that way, and that it was so hard doing this, but so exciting at the same time. She wanted to remain 'virginal' and pure in my eyes and so showing me a video or pictures was like showing me she wasn't good enough for me anymore. I reassured her that NOTHINg would make me see her as less. She cried for an hour and then hugged me and we were okay. And, I got to see the VIDEO@!!! Now, if she would just let me post it ..."
Thanks for reading
James and Maya