Shame and Embarrassment - My wife, Christine, and I have been together for almost 15 years. For nearly all of that time, she has cuckolded me. What started out as her going out on weekends dressed to kill and picking up men in clubs has evolved into a series of longer term lovers who have come and gone through the years. Since last March, she has been seeing a man in another city where she has been living part time for the last two years on a temporary assignment for her job. His name is Mathias, he is handsome, extremely well endowed and very skilled as a lover. He comes over to her apartment once or twice a week; on several occasions, they have gone out of town together for the weekend. They pack as much romance and great sex as they can into whatever time they have available. She sends me a “story” afterwards, in e-mail, with all the dirty details of their time together, telling me how much she enjoyed it. I wait at home for my story to come, letting my imagination run wild about what they are doing at any given moment. When it arrives, I sit at my computer and read it, while getting myself off and imagining what it must be like to see them naked together.
You may wonder what has led to such a relationship. While I am not tiny in size, I am certainly not well endowed either. Being somewhere a little less than average in length and quite a bit less in girth, I am what you might call moderately small. The main problem is that I can’t last inside of my wife for longer than a minute or two before climaxing. Christine is a sexy and beautiful woman and has an awesome body that any man would love to get next to. She has an extremely sexual nature and delights in hot, passionate sex with a man. In the beginning, we made an attempt at a traditional (and monogamous) sex life. But, given my own limitations and Christine’s voracious appetite, we were soon experimenting with ways to give her what she needed while still preserving an otherwise loving and positive relationship at home.
Surprisingly, she was able to coax a submissive side from me that I didn’t even know existed, and soon she had me fantasizing desperately about her fucking another man. It didn’t take long for our fantasies to evolve from innocent pillow talk to her actually going out and making it happen. Incidentally, It is never me who is allowed to stray - only her. I remain completely monogamous and wait at home with a hard cock for her to return and relate her escapade to me in every lurid detail. I guess you could say my sex life is lived vicariously through her. I am provided relief while she tells her story - usually via masturbation. On occasion, I’m allowed to enter her - feeling her raw, stretched out pussy, filled with her lover’s warm, sticky cum (no, she never uses a condom). She used to provide me intercourse on a fairly regular basis. While she enjoyed the moments of shared intimacy, she clearly didn’t get much out of it physically, especially compared to the long, steamy sessions with her other lovers.
She also never got wet with me; I always had to use baby oil to provide enough lubrication to slip what she calls my “little pee-pee” inside of her. Once I was inside, it would be over in a matter of minutes, sometimes seconds. This routine has evolved into even more of a dominant/submissive relationship where now she strictly regulates my access to her pussy - or denies it entirely. The rules are, I have to make myself hard before she’ll even walk into the bedroom, I never know what I will be allowed to have, and I never try to take anything I’m not offered. Usually she masturbates me (without getting undressed herself) while telling me about one of her latest trysts. Sometimes I have to do it myself while she just watches and reminds me how inadequate I am. Sometimes she’ll strip to her panties and let me rub on her leg until I cum, maybe giving me a glimpse of her pussy (I’m usually not allowed to see it), as I am on my knees in front of her, humping her leg like a little dog. And on the very rarest occasion, I might be allowed to enter her for a short time - sometimes not allowed to move, but simply hold motionless and revel in the feeling for a minute or two - and sometimes actually allowed a few strokes, which always makes me cum, quickly and prematurely. I’ve been allowed this four times in the past two years, so it is not a frequent happening.
So that is a snapshot of the relationship I have sexually with my wife. The feelings of shame and humiliation, on my part, are very real and deep seated, knowing that I am not able to satisfy my own wife, knowing that I don’t even come close and that I never have and never will. Knowing that she openly relishes great sex with these other men who are, every one of them, bigger and more skilled than I am. Knowing that I am submissive to her sexually, completely at her mercy for what I get or don’t get in our bedroom. Yes, the shame and embarrassment are very real. But they are also a huge turn on, in ways that I can not explain or even understand myself. Nothing in this world has ever excited me more. I would love to be able to make love to her and please her the way her lovers do; I would love to experience that pleasure myself, and be able to enjoy the feeling of filling her up and being inside of her for lasting periods of time. I am deeply ashamed and embarrassed that I can’t do these things. But why does that shame and humiliation turn me on so much? This I wish I knew.
At the time of this writing, Christine has just returned from one of her frequent business trips. She was able to see her lover two evenings in the 11 days she was away - the last time being just yesterday. I know when she left home, her pussy was tight and fresh. I know now it is sloppy and stretched and, at this very moment, full of Mathias’s cum. I thought I was going to get one of my sessions today when she got home, where she would tell me about her latest encounters and allow me to get off while I listened. I get very excited for that when I know she is coming home. But I was informed that she was too tired and that perhaps she’ll tell me about it tomorrow. So tonight I wait… wait to see if maybe tomorrow I’ll get what I’ve been waiting for… to hear, in every intimate detail, how my wife fucked another man, sucked his cock, gave her body to him in every way imaginable… to hear how good it felt, how much she enjoyed it, how she can’t wait to do it again. I wait to see if I’ll get to glimpse her pussy, or touch her breast, or feel her bare ass with my hands… or if touching her will be off limits as she teases me with her naked body, or if she’ll remain clothed and not let me see or touch her at all. Will she hold my small penis in her hand and remind me how it compares to her lovers big cock? Will she stroke me as she teases me with her latest story? Or will she make me do it myself while she watches? Will I get to hump her leg tomorrow? Or do I dare even hope that I’ll be allowed to slip my baby-oiled penis inside of her stretched out pussy? I never know. But I do know I will be happy with whatever I get.
-Long Time Cuckold
ltcuck @ gmail.com
