Hello,
So, I'll try to be as brief and concise as I can be in summarizing my situation. I have been with my girlfriend for almost five years now. We've known each other and been friends since we were young. We like to joke that we're in an ‘arranged marriage' as our parents have been pushing for us to be a couple since forever.
Due to some personal issues with sex and my own sexuality (that would take a whole other blog post) she is the only romantic or sexual partner I have ever had. In contrast, she has had several romantic and sexual partners prior to me.
She is generally much more open, adventurous, and comfortable with her sexuality than I tend to be. We have a phenomenal relationship and I love her very, very much. We have a lot of good habits including a lot of great communication skills and honesty.
That extends to our discussions about sex and kinks. We're very up front and open with each other, we're not really in a business of keeping desires, kinks, porn, likes, etc. hidden from one another. My only exception there, as you may have guessed, is the cuckolding.
Cuckolding has been a kink of mine for a long time. Well before I actually knew what ‘cuckolding' was. I remember having distinct fantasies with elements of emotional and sexual betrayal. As time has gone on, my draw towards fantasies like this has only grown stronger and the fantasies more varied and complex.
Along with that draw, my boldness in getting closer and more comfortable with the fetish has also grown pretty significantly. I am, to put it mildly, a pretty shy person in general and I am extremely shy when I comes to sex, sexuality, and exploring or embracing fetishes and kinks.
There was a time not all that long ago when just the mere idea of looking at cuckold porn would fill me with guilt. Honestly, it still kinda does. But I started getting on more educational sites, blogs from real couples, started making a few timid posts myself, and now I consider myself something of a regular on these sites.
And now, finally, I've broached the subject with my girlfriend. As with all things sexually that I've been nervous to admit to her, she was accepting and encouraging and just generally wonderful. As I mentioned, she's rather experienced, and while she's never explicitly engaged in cuckolding herself, she is quite familiar with the concept and has experience in many cuck like activities.
Think group sex, Bdsm, having people watch, submissive boys, crossdressing, domination/humiliation, etc. Her reaction to my telling her that I'm into the kink and have fantasies related to it was essentially to say it was okay, that she didn't think of me any differently, and that she encouraged me to explore it more, learn more, and get more comfortable with accepting this kink as part of myself and something I'm into.
As far as actually ‘doing' anything, well, that's a more complicated answer. The primary factor being that I am still pretty skittish and nervous about my own sexual exploration in the best of circumstances. So while I'm getting more comfortable admitting to myself (and now to her) that I have cuckold fantasies, I'm really not too sure how ready I am to have them be anything other than fantasies.
The other factor of course lies with her. Basically, if I gave her the thumbs up, she'd be ready to try this tomorrow. With sane and reasonable limitations of course. And communication. Looooooots of communication. And safety and security and health stuff well taken care of. But you get the idea. She's perfectly willing to give it a go.
We talked over a few hypothetical situations, talked a lot about the mentality of it all, what it meant to both of us. Likes (she's a huge fan of the opportunity to have sex with experienced doms and a variety of people, for example), dislikes (I made it clear that stuff like race play or penis size comparison/humiliation just doesn't do anything for me), wants, fears, reservations, etc.
And that's... kinda where we left it. It's just out there in the open now. Gotta say, it feels a lot better than keeping it all a secret. She too has liked this, becoming more and more wet when we talk about it and calling me cucky-boy for the fun of it to see my reaction.
This has gone from such a repressed part of myself to something I've openly discussed with the girl I plan to marry. It's really been a crazy progression that I honestly wouldn't have imagined possible even maybe a year or so ago. Here she is. Thanks!
Alex
