A girl friend of mine came by the other day to tell me her marriage of 23 years was over, her husband was not happy. Not a new story, they got into a rut and stopped putting in the time it takes for marriage to last. This got me thinking, I have been with my husband for 19 years and how good was our marriage? Was my husband happy?
I realized that I put very little time into my marriage and her story would be my story if did not take a hard look in the mirror and change the way I was acting. The 2 things that take down most marriages is money and sex. In the money department we were very lucky. My husband ran a large company the he founded and we had no money problems. He was for sure the alpha male in the business world.
In the bedroom I called the shots. What I realized is that most of the shots I was calling have become reasons for why we had virtually no sex life. I don’t know how we got there, but, we did. When I was a bit younger I loved sex. The chase, the foreplay, the nasty, slutty and crazy acts, all of it. I was a bit of a slut and had many lovers, all shapes, ages, colors and sizes. Now I was happy once a month with my vibrator and getting mounted on rare occasions. What I saw in the mirror woke me up, because I did not see myself as a “10”, I have shut down as a woman, I shut down the bonding between us, I shut down my husband.
Now a marriage is a partnership and if he is bringing in the money, I need to bring in the sex. So I looked into female leading relationships. The more I explored the more my mind raced with ideas and plans. My spark was coming back and I was wet again between the legs. A female led relationship is one where, the woman helps a man understand his desire, to help him be more intimate, passionate, trustworthy, faithful, and above all, loving. In reading about it, I discovered that my husband was a “sexual submissive” for sure. Those sites took me to cuckolding sites (I had no idea what a cuckold was, but I learned fast that it was very common) and I liked the idea that I could explore other men while my husband just focused on me.
The best advice that I found was to test the waters with your husband to see what really turned him on. It went something like this. Get your husband naked. Now tell him dirty stories or ask him point blank questions and then watch his penis. If he gets hard, or gets harder, than regardless of what comes out of his mouth he is into it. Men have built in lie detectors. You think you know what your mate of 19 years likes and wants in the bedroom, and then you find out that you have no clue on what makes him happy. My husband for sure was a sexual submissive. He responded to stories of me playing with younger men, oral sex with me after he has come in me, masturbating for me, dressing up for me, just about anything that I want I can have, he was right out of the FLR handbook. He loved me and wants me to have a “slutty” exciting sex life.
Now that I had direction, I went back to doing research. What I found was most of what is out there on line will not work in the real world. It reads like it was written by men who fantasies about a women wanting to control every aspect of their lives. I’m not looking to turn my husband into a crossdressing sissy, I’m looking to reconnect with my husband and take control of our sex life, improve or marriage. So I had to approach each site with the attitude that I’m only looking for a few ideas that work in my life that will work in the real world, our world. We have jobs, grown kids, pets, bills to pay we have everyday life to live. I want us to stay as a team, by happy and explore life with each other.
You will need to establish a number of simple conditioned stimuli that you can use throughout the day, even in public, to keep your husbands mind working. By far the simplest and most versatile conditioned stimulus is your voice you should develop conditioned stimuli for all his senses including vision and smell. Each step I took created a spark in our marriage and improved or sex life. The more time I put in, the better things became. We were like 20 year old kids again except this time I knew what a sexual submissive was, I was getting to be my old slutty self again.
Men are incredibly easy to train if you understand what drives them. I am for sure no expert, I am a real wife who just wanted to improve her marriage, not a professional Dominatrix. So this is a place to start, this is where I started, this is the path that will work for 2/3 of all women:
1. The submissive male needs direction: Some surveys have suggested that as many as two-thirds of men have fantasized about being sexually dominated by a woman. Think about that, 66% of wife’s could take control of their marriage and yet only 23% do! Erotic power, the combination of sex and authority, directly taps into this natural submissive sexual response. Once you learn to tap into that response in the bedroom, you can tap into it any time of the day. He will become putty in your hands. You must work on both his brain and penis. The “teasing” and the “not knowing” what is next plays into how their brains are wired. There focus needs to be directed to you, and ONLY you. Be verbal, reinforce his behavior. Think of it like this, the dog needs to be walked, the cat needs to be feed, and your husband needs time from you EACH day. You MUST tell him what you want him to do, each day. He must be taught that the best gratification comes from you and the more he pleases and obeys you, the better or more frequent that gratification will be. But to start it has to be done with subtlety.
2. Confidence: Yes you CAN learn how to handle your husband. Don’t worry if you lack confidence in the beginning. You can take small steps to find your way. Your confidence will grow with positive results. Do not confuse your initial lack of confidence with a lack of commitment. Be committed and find your way to fulfilling that commitment. Age is not a factor. Weight is not a factor. Beauty is not a factor. These things are simply not relevant. Sexual attraction is 90% mental, only 10% physical. You will be surprised how unimportant conventional standards of beauty are. You don’t need to be a beauty queen to be a sex goddess. It’s all about how you act, not how you look. It’s the attitude. Erotic power is the key to igniting passion in your marriage. Erotic power is a strength and force that you can exert to arouse sexual desire in your husband. Erotic power is your capacity to exercise control over your husband through his sexual desire for you. Erotic power is your will and determination unleashed against boredom and familiarity in marriage. Erotic power is the unrestrained exploitation of his sexual desires and fantasies toward your personal goals. Erotic power is the uninhibited expression of your femininity. Erotic power will become the focal point of your renewed marital relationship. This is not to say that it is a substitute for love. On the contrary, it will become for both of you a new and powerful expression of your love for one another. Erotic power will shape and transform your marriage. Erotic power is an expression of love. You express your love for your husband through your erotic power. And you rediscover your love for him as he courts you and submits to your loving authority. You can indulge and broaden your love of him by setting a higher standard and admiring his efforts to meet it.
3. How do you get my husband to do what I say: You must train yourself to be sexually independent if you want to control your husband. Much like a well-trained pet that is happy because he has rules to follow and boundaries to keep him under control, a submissive man will only be truly happy when he is being obedient. Obedience pleases his wife, and when she is pleased, he is satisfied and calm. Submissive men are proud of the service and devotion they can bring to their Dominant females, and this pride leads to a sense of overall happiness and bliss. Correctly obeying orders and receiving praise for a job well done are forms of love and respect for him, and are emotions he dearly craves. Men need to be obedient in FLR relationships because it is what makes them happy, and it is the reason that they gave up control in the first place. It reinforces their submissive role, and allows them to enjoy the emotions of freedom and carelessness that they experience while being dominated. Take one small step at a time so that the male will be totally unaware he is being reprogrammed to behave in the manner that you desire. One small goal after another so that at the end of the journey he will not even realize he has been on a trip. It might help clarify what needs to be done to develop a general theory of female domination. A woman has to use psychology to gain and maintain her control. This brings us to the basic principle of female domination: If the man has to accept being dominated, there has to be something in it for him, his orgasm. Forget everything else you read on line a stick with positive reinforcement. Be sure to praise him when he does something submissive and self-sacrificing for your benefit. This will condition him to find fulfillment in his role as a subordinate person. Sexual energy can then be used to remold his personality. A man's sexual energy, or libido, can be stimulated through sexual teasing. You can give him a peek up your skirt. You can have him help you change clothes. Or you can go about the house from time to time dressed in fancy underwear or a skimpy nightie. This brings us to the subject of lingerie. The first thing to remember about lingerie is that it has a cosmetic value. Not very many of us look like Cindy Crawford or Naomi Campbell, and our intimate apparel can take attention away from whatever figure problems we might happen to have. Men regard our wearing fancy lingerie as something done for their benefit; they are too self-centered to see it any other way. They are totally unaware that we are using it to hide things that we don't want them to notice. A sexual fetish is an object that a man finds to be sexually stimulating in itself. Because the man is stimulated by the object, the object has power over him. So the woman who controls the fetish has all the power over her man. Once you have established promises, you must be prepared to reinforce them. When, for example, your husband does the dishes, you should give him some attention. I recommend a whispered “thank you” or “good job” in his ear as you rub your hand roughly across his crotch. Such an arousing gesture, consistently given, reinforces the association between the promise kept and sex and therefore reinforces the keeping of promises.
4. Domestic Housework: You’re going to kill yourself when you realize that your submissive husband will take on more of the domestic housework. For 19 years I could have had him cooking and cleaning for me while I relaxed! This is a Win/Win for sure, the trick is you must play with his mind, tap into his submissive side when you want him to be domestic. If you don’t take the time to tease and direct he will just feel that you are taking advantage of him and not respond. Start by getting him naked or in a domestic “outfit” and then give him simple directions ”Honey it would make me very happy if you can get a bath ready for me and then do the dishes”, “Babe could you please pour me a glass of wine and vacuum the family room”. USE YOUR Praise words, “you did a great job”, “I’m so happy”, “Thank you for getting my car washed”. The more praise he gets, the more he will do. DON”T take him for granted. Tell him when he is done with the filth in the kitchen you have some filth between your legs that will need cleaning and watch how fast he gets to work. This is the first “upside” you will discover. It is well known that men love to do domestic chores for a dominant Female. Your submissive husband will enjoy the attention and direction that you will be giving him. You will make it clear on how you expect him to serve you by doing domestic chores around the house. You may discover that what helps your husband with his domestic chores is how you dress him for his tasks. Check his lie detector and find out what is going on in his head. It may be naked, with an apron or dressed up as a sissy maid when he is doing the house cleaning. If your husband likes to dress up this is a good place to do it. Get him an apron, maids outfit or a full girls outfit (many options on line), then all you have to do is lay it out for him and when he is dressed treat him like your personal maid. I have girl friends that even invite her friends around to admire her well trained husband doing his chores.
5. Body Hair: Understand that the symbolism involved by having your submissive man remove a nice mound of pubic hair and keeping his little dick and balls cleanly shaved. It’s a constant reminder of your dominance over him. I removed most of my husband’s body hair, his back, butt, chest, armpits and most important his pubic hair. I only left some hair on his legs and arms, after all in the summer we do go out in shorts. The submissive male thinks that the “alpha” male should look like a “man” and they should look more like “boys”. Your husband sees the difference between his feminized body and the bodies of the masculine men you will tell him that you like. He gains a better appreciation of the things that turn you on. He becomes curious and he even finds the contrast of a large, stud cock attractive when compared to his smooth, feminine body. Again this naturally helps to encourage his submission to you and of course being clean shaven makes his chastity device much more comfortable. We started with shaving his hair with a razor, then I would send him off to be waxed (humiliating for him a bonus), and I liked it so much that I had his hair removed with laser, yes even his pubic hair. He looks better, smells better and he understands that I have taken control of how he looks naked.
6. Clothed Female and Naked Male: This is going to sound a bit odd, but, you want him naked as often as possible, while you remain clothed. Forced nudity is a means of subjugation, and one person’s subjugation is another’s empowerment. Forced nudity produces feelings of humiliation and humiliation is as a tool that serves to emphasize a submissive husband’s sense of being controlled. Forced nudity causes your husband to reveal his private parts to be judged by all and that's a scary thing for all men. Nudity like submission shares an important commonality, exposure. When he is naked and you are not, he is in an exposed, embarrassing position seeking your direction. His entire life he has been told to put cloths on, now his wife is making him take them off. Even if he likes being naked it will become humiliating for him. Use your words and toy with him. If he is soft, say things that get him hard. This will allow him to shift control to you. Clothed women easily dominate and humiliate naked males, one of the many ways the stronger sex has of controlling weaker males. The more often the male is nude, obediently passive, meekly obeying his wife, the more he is reminded of his place. A naked male submissive is a good way to arrange a marriage/relationship, a clear sign that "SHE wears the pants in the house." You will mostly likely find in your area a CFNM (Clothed Female Naked Male) Party, just google it. At this party the males are naked and the Females are clothed for the entire party. The males are there to serve and entertain the Females. The Females are in charge of the party. They can have the males do whatever makes them happy. The males are not allowed to touch or initiate interaction with the Females without the wife’s permission. When I first heard of this my response was “not in this life time”, but, after doing the research we gave it a try. I WAS WRONG, this was a great training environment. The party was filled with other women that could help me with my husband. Not only was he exposed for all the other women, but the other submissive men. We both learned how the other couples supported the husband’s submissive nature and the wife’s were given respect and control. EVERY wife should try this at least twice. The friends we have made have added much joy in or marriage. Once you have established control you need to expand his submission by taking him to parties, clubs or events where you can expand the “Clothed Female and Naked Male” part of his training. In San Francisco we found the “Power Exchange” and in Las Vegas we found a number of gay bath houses and clubs that we attended. A nude beach is also be fun. He will be naked of course and you should be in your swim suit to emphasize his submissiveness.
7. Masturbation: Many of the sites I saw on line are big into Chasity and NOT allowing your man to masturbate, I 100% disagree. All men masturbate, all men masturbate, and all men masturbate. Now you have a choice, you can pretend that it is not going on, or you can use it to take control of him. I am told that boys under 20 could masturbate up to 4 times each day, 20-30 up to 3 times each day, even men over 50 can average once a day! So what’s important is that you become the center of his masturbation. Now this has most likely been his dirty little secret since he was 12 so you need to “change” the habits. So first get him naked then talk to him. Let him know that you want to take control of all his orgasms and get an agreement that he will let you be in charge of his penis. Then force him to masturbate, a lot, more often than he has been doing. 2-4 times a day the first few weeks. You want to drain his balls so much that he gets to the point where he just can’t do it anymore. Then for the next few months 1-3 times a day, then down to 5-7 times per week. This is important, it’s OK for you to masturbate him each day if that is what is required to have him focus on you. Make sure to tell him on occasion NOT to masturbate, you need to mix it up on time and location. You want his mind racing with when your next instruction will come. What you read on line is WRONG, he will be much more willing to please you knowing that his reward is getting to masturbate. Yes taking this away will make him work hard to get the right back, but, take it away too long and he will build resentment and just do it anyway!
8. Oral Sex: Oral sex, by which I mean cunnilingus, is an important element of a wife-led marriage for a couple reasons. First, you want him to focus on your sexual satisfaction, even to the point of giving you orgasms more frequently than you allow him. Oral sex obviously satisfies that, or at least it will once he gets good at it. But as importantly, oral sex has connotations of social hierarchy. Generally speaking, when one person is giving oral sex to another, the one receiving it is perceived to be in a position of power over the one giving it. By demanding and receiving oral sex from your husband you are asserting your dominance over him. In giving oral sex, he is submitting himself to you. Needless to say, you should never give your husband oral sex, only your lovers if you decided to have them. However, while many men today are comfortable performing oral sex on their wives most are not and some are absolutely horrified at the thought. If your husband is inexperienced with giving oral sex it is likely that he will initially resist the idea both because of the social connotations and because he will imagine it to be dirty. But by removing his objection to the scent and taste you can focus on overcoming his objection to the power dynamic. This can be an important opportunity for you to gain confidence in your ability to direct sex to your own satisfaction as well as to advance his trust in you to initiate beneficial changes in your marriage. The very things that may initially repel him will eventually become a powerful addiction for him. In time he will crave your scent and taste and will seek your permission to satisfy you orally. The greater his initial inhibitions about giving oral sex, the greater will be the emotional impact when he learns to enjoy it. If you teach your husband to give you oral sex then you can enjoy quickies at any time. You can do this not just in bed before you go to sleep, but also in the morning before you dress for work or in the evening when you come home to him. Use your imagination.
9. The Scent of You: The sense of smell will work to control your submissive husband. I hope you have been enjoying oral sex from your husband he has become trained to the scent of your vagina. This smell has become a “trigger” for him. I started by having my husband bring me to orgasm with oral sex then had him keep his nose in my vagina and then told him to masturbate. In the beginning I would almost always have him masturbate for me with his nose in a pair or my dirty panties or in my crotch. My scent became a “reward” for him, the focus of his masturbation was my vagina, was me and only me. When I am in no mood, I simply sit down in a chair or on the couch and have my husband get down like a dog and stick his face in my crotch (sometimes panties on, sometimes panties off) and humiliate himself by masturbating for me. Your scent becomes his world.
10. Humiliation: Submissive husbands crave humiliation, submissive husbands crave humiliation, and submissive husbands crave humiliation. Humiliation can be tricky so it should be used carefully. Humiliation is intended to humble, not to cause emotional harm. It’s important to find the right balance and one way to achieve that is by mixing humiliation with humor. Never humiliate in anger. There are basically two types of humiliation: private and public. Private humiliation is simply any act that is kept between you and your husband. Public humiliation is anything revealed outside your marriage. In most cases, the threat of public humiliation is more effective than the actual deed. But a little public humiliation can lend credibility to threats of bigger humiliation. His masturbation is the starting point, each time you require him to masturbate you are feeding his need for humiliation. Be creative on how you masturbate him. An example of simple public humiliation, you insist on paying the check at restaurants, this is a small humiliation as social custom is that the husband does this. This small humiliation can serve as the basis for threatening a larger humiliation: the public revelation of your domination of the marriage. Each time you pay the check he will be reminded of this. You can also set up potential public humiliations with private ones. For example, by requiring your husband to wear panties as his underwear he will feel a gentle humiliation throughout the day. But if he misbehaves in public you can remind him of it in a loud voice. Submissive husband humiliation ideas; Insist that he sit down at all times when using the toilet, if you find out that he peed standing, send him outside naked to pee for a week (the bathroom just got much cleaner). Make him kneel in front of you regularly, to beg for something with his nose in your vagina. Make him carry your handbag occasionally when in public. Send hubby out shopping to buy something that will embarrass him, for you or for him. Tell your husband you're horny because you have been thinking of some other man. Make him wear female deodorant. Send him to the get a pedicure and make sure he gets his nails done in a color of your choice, he needs to tell the girl it’s at your request. When he is in chastity, make a point of walking around the house naked, or in sexy lingerie. I made him get a temporary "Cuckold" tattoo right above his penis, and I got a temporary tattoo QOS (Queen of Spades for attracting black men), Cuckold wife tramp stamp. Have your husband arrange for a Male erotic massage for you in your home. Go to a pick up bar or club with your husband, and flirt openly. I will always wear an ankle bracelets, a sign that I’m available for men to approach. When he is in chastity, send him to get a massage at a massage parlor that is known for happy endings, you can watch on facetime. This is just a few ideas, do your homework and check his lie detector. Victoria’s secret is full of helpful sales girls that can help give your husband the humiliation he requires.
11. Hygiene: Make it part of your routine to have your husband attend to YOUR hygiene. The submissive male craves serving his bride. When he bathes you, shaves your legs, shaves your sex (if you want it shaved), or gives you a massage or a shower it plays into how he is wired. Don’t make this about sex (unless of course you want sex). During this time it’s about him taking care of you. I am not opposed to having him take care of your tampon changing (yes changing) or even wiping and cleaning you after you use the restroom, just not my thing.
12. Chasity device: What I read on line about Chasity could never work for me. I don’t want his cock locked up 24/7 for months at a time. To me that’s not a marriage. With that said, you need to get a Chasity device. Since he was a boy, his whole world has centered on his penis. You locking it up and taking control of his cock is very powerful. The submissive male needs to be punished and this is a good tool for masturbating without approval. Managing your husband’s sexual activity requires a certain level of trust. Unfortunately, not all men are trustworthy. The risk of infidelity is actually not as great as it might seem; if you have established yourself as an object of adoration and addicted him to your erotic power, then he is far less likely to take an interest in another women (unless you drop the ball and a dominant bitch gets her hands on him and plays to his submission). Other women will seem boring next to you. A male chastity device is simply a locking cage that encloses his penis and makes masturbation impractical. You hold the key so you decide when he can come out to play. Not only does it enforce your management of his sexuality and prevent masturbation, it represents a constant physical reminder of his submission to your authority. In a sense, it is a wedding ring around his penis. Managing your husband’s orgasms gives you enormous power over him. Delaying and denying his orgasms will make him putty in your hands, for a short while. He will not be able to refuse you anything. But there is a limit to how far you can go. Everything depends on his trust in you. Betray that trust and you will find yourself in a very difficult situation. Maintain and reward that trust and he will be more loyal and obedient than you can imagine. Above all, you absolutely do not want him to lose hope, a mistake made by using Chasity too long, too often. If he loses hope he might be tempted to seek relief outside the marriage, either by himself or worse. At a minimum, you will invite a rebellion’s. The more you deny his orgasms, the closer attention you must pay to his happiness and enthusiasm. Remember, once you own his heart you are responsible for it. DO NOT OVER DO IT, ˝ a day to 2 days maximum to start, but DO IT when it needs to be done, or just to keep him off balance.
13. Panties: You need to have a “naked” talk with him about crossdressing, pay attention to the lie detector. Regardless of what turns you on, you need to understand what is turning him on, so ask about it all, and find out just how far he would go. Cross dressers are often heterosexual men that get aroused by wearing female clothing. There are lots of fantasies that people have and this just happens to be one of them. Your husband is not a pervert or child-molester but may be a cross-dresser with a certain fantasy. Take a look at a few “sissy crossdressing sites and ask him how he feels about what you found (a maid’s outfit, bra, nightgowns, panties etc.). Almost all submissive men love panties. Now I had no interest in dressing my husband up as a girl and taking him out for a walk, but he did react to panties and other female items. So I did my research and found that panties are a control item for women. When you make your man ware girl panties, he is focusing his attention on you even when you are not with him. I understand why some wife’s put their husbands in panties full time, I have no problem with that. For me, I went with new sexy male Calvin Kline underwear for day to day (soft feeling and feminine colors) and my female panties for him when I want to spark his brain. I found a number of sites that cater to female style panties that are made just for men. Regardless of how YOU feel, if crossdressing is a trigger for him then you need to dress him up. You do not need to do it full time unless it’s what you both want. I did surprise him one day and put him in a maid uniform for obvious reasons, he was going to help the house keeper. Our housekeeper of 15 years saw his new panties in the laundry, saw how I was controlling him, and loved the help she was getting. She taught him how to clean to her standards (and did not travel in our social circle), WIN/WIN/WIN. She had many questions on how she could work with her husband. I was shocked and surprised just how helpful our house keeper was with my husband’s training and humiliation.
14. Forced feminization: Forced feminization is the act of stripping his masculinity away from him as part of your training and forcing him into the role of a girl. His beautiful male heart is captured, overwhelmed and engulfed by femininity. There’s more to this than just the forced crossdressing part. Beyond wearing very feminine clothes, Forced feminization often involves him taking on other feminine characteristics and also playing the role of stereotypical women or girls. What’s so exciting about it? Erotic humiliation is a very intimate act if anything. And feminizing him can be a very powerful way to humiliate a man. He becomes humble and very submissive when feminized. He lets go of the need to be strong and fearless and isn’t afraid to be weak in your arms. What a beautiful gesture of love that is. A man who likes to cross-dress but feels ashamed of it, might feel better about himself if he’s forced to cross-dress. I should point out now that when I mean ‘forced’ I’m talking about following your directions in regards to dress and action. An activity that submissive men sometimes seek is feminization. And if they have "natural" feminine traits, the probability of him accepting feminization may be very high indeed. More men than one might suspect will enjoy, and even embrace, the concept of being forced to wear female clothing, lingerie and perhaps even costumes. Men will usually act like being feminized is a threat to their masculinity. Men fear that their woman might think less of him as a man. Remember: Forcing him to be feminized helps eliminate his fear and embarrassment of doing it. His male ego needs to be "taken off the hook". His internal rationale is, he'll do it to please you. All the while, he will be sexually aroused at the thought of it. Check the lie detector. My husband is not a full time cross-dresser. But he does crave humiliation at the hands of a dominant woman. What’s more humiliating for a man than to be made to dress the part of a slutty schoolgirl? And on that point you may ask, where do I get that stuff in his size? You can find it on line or go out shopping together. Several very memorable trips to the lingerie stores where the sales girls are told who it’s for. For example, we bought bra and breast forms at Victoria’s Secret. The sales ladies were extremely ACCOMMODATING. We had three in fact. He was measured, and he had to try the bra on over his T-shirt. It was the shop lady who suggested the breast forms (good salesperson!). My husband blushed, stammered, and looked at the floor so much during that scene that I thought he would die from humiliation. We had a changing ROOM, but the three sales ladies kept going in an out, and seemed quite careless regarding leaving the door open so that multiple women shoppers got an eyeful of my husband trying on his pink bra. It was hot! I also learned that I enjoy putting my husband through his paces in front of other women: “He’s mine! Look what I can make him do!”
15. Punishment: Simply put, punishment is the association of a negative consequence with an undesired behavior. For example, disobedience is an undesired behavior that ought to be punished to discourage it. If you want to be a good parent you need to punish your kids, if you want to be a good wife you need to punish your submissive husband. Discipline is the practice of applying bondage, spanking, cbt or other behavioral enhancements as a method of increasing the feelings of submission on the part of the husband and the sensation of dominance on the part of the wife. One of the simplest forms of physical discipline is denying the man one of the basics of human pride: clothing. Simply by limiting or specifying the clothing a man wears when attending his wife major behavioral changes can occur. I prefer the husband be kept naked, but that can be overwhelming for most wives. An alternative is to choose clothing which may cover the husband, but leave his aroused state exposed and apparent. Now for me what I saw on line in punishment was way over the top, I’m not looking to “brand” him, just get his attention. So I went “old school”. I started with an over my knee spanking with his penis locked between my legs. What I found is that the spanking excited him, he was very hard and leaking. I realized that when I was punishing him he had given me complete control during the punishment. A submissive male NEEDS punishment, they want the negative attention directed on making them better husbands, who knew! Beating my husband with whips and chains is not my thing so I found other ways to punish him. Once I handcuffed him to the bed and put on Cuckolding DVD on TV and left the room. He watched the images of wife’s and their lovers for an hour or so. I know how much this turns him on so this punishment has 2 upsides, the first is that he cannot masturbate to the images on the screen, and the second is he is getting used of the idea of me with other men. So punishment can be carried out without a beating. Now I do use the Chasity device from time to time but rarely over 48 hours. Most of the time it’s a 1 day fit and I don’t even give him a reason other than “I want you focused on me today”.
16. Corporal Punishment, Spanking: Corporal punishment, or spanking, is perhaps the most extraordinary form of punishment. It can be very cathartic for both parties. Men are particularly fond of enduring physical pain in their devotion to love. For men, enduring physical pain can be a powerful symbol of manhood, even more when that pain is at the request of their love. They do not involve torture, brutality, cruelty, or anything that could cause lasting harm. Some of the physical punishments described are meant to be painful. There is no question that welts will be raised and bottoms bruised, but chastisement should never leave permanent marks. For you the act of spanking can be a way to release and direct your anger. The next time you find your anger has overwhelmed your love for your husband, try pulling down his pants and paddling him on the buttocks, hard, until you can truly forgive his wrong and make love to him. Vent your anger against his buttocks until you forget his transgression and feel pity for him. As for your concern that your husband will not accept punishment from you, I can assure you that most men will actually welcome the idea. When you discipline your husband you tap into that submissive fantasy to serve his wife and improve your marriage. Another reason he will acquiesce to your discipline is the control you have taken over his ejaculation. When he has become accustomed to awaiting your permission to ejaculate, he will obey you without rebellion. This is important to remember AFTER the punishment is done, reward him in a very humiliating fashion by making him masturbate. 100% of the time my husband must consume all his sperm as part of the punishment. The foundation for all forms of punishment is the spanking. The experience of being spanked hard by you makes him more cooperative with the less physical punishments. By this I do not mean a simple slap on the buttocks. That can be used, if you like as playful foreplay. What I mean is a serious, over-the-knee, bare-bottomed, hard spanking with something other than your hand. You may begin with your hand if you’re like, but in order for it to be truly disciplinary you must use something such as a paddle, the backside of a hairbrush or a belt. Lecture him quietly on why he is being spanked. Tell him if he weren’t so bad and naughty you wouldn’t have to spank his bottom so hard, that sort of talk. A good, sound spanking releases built up tensions and frustrations in a marriage and can actually be enjoyable for the wife. So, instead of feeling helpless and despairing, a wife can threaten a punishment she is more than willing to carry out and feel power and hope for her marriage instead. Additionally, her punishment of him will be loving as well as disciplinary. No matter what instrument is being used, the wife must always keep in mind that the part most commonly on the receiving end, the buttocks, lay in close proximity to such vital areas as the kidneys and tailbone. For this reason you should never use a heavy or blunt instrument. I did not feel comfortable spanking my husband in the early days of this process. If you feel that this is a bit out of your comfort area, then do what I did and start by visiting a professional. A professional will do the job for you without mercy and teach you at the same time. WIN/WIN/WIN. Once a month for the first 6-9 months I would go with him to a professional dominatrix and have a session with him. He would be the only one naked and she and I would discuss his faults and she would administer the punishment. I got the hang of it after a few visits. We will still see a professional from time to time just to expose him to new women and the humiliation that goes with it or visit B&D clubs and spank him in public.
17. Eating Sperm: Much has been written on this topic, this is my take on it. Straight men have been programed that “the bitch sucks cock and swallows”. Guys who swallow sperm are “gay”. Your husband is NOT gay, he is not even BI, he is a sexual submissive. He will eat sperm or suck a cock (gay things in his head) to please the love of his life. So it is very important that he becomes the “bitch”. Husbands are naturally more attentive to their wives when they are aroused and excited. There is much you can do to maintain your husband in a state of arousal and excitement but such excitement is in anticipation of sexual satisfaction. Once that satisfaction is achieved, his attention to you will tend to fall off for a while. This is just natural. Promises are useful because they bind your husband at one time to perform at another time. In particular, your husband may make a promise when he is aroused to perform when he is not. Right after a man orgasms his brain recovers back to its “baseline” of what tastes good, feels good, and smells good and how he was programed as a little boy. This is an important process to “re program” his “baseline” so that you become the center of his world. This is why almost every site I found made this the number 1 item on training your submissive husband. The goal is that after his orgasms his love and affection for you is more important than how he feels about eating sperm. You need to break out your best mom voice and tell him what you expect him to do, don’t wimp out he needs it. The best place to start is after his orgasms in you, take a few minutes and cuddle with him. Then whisper something in his ear that is sure to turn him on. When he begins to get erect, take your hands and guide his head to your sex and talk him through it, or better yet sit on his face and drain it into him. After a few times of doing this, just take his head the same way and guide him to his task. This is a line in the sand for all women, he must do it. Use his masturbation to reinforce his place, when he cleans you well and follows your directions, the next time you masturbate him praise him for his last cleaning, let him know how happy it made you, then have him masturbate and continue with your praise. Try after him cums dipping your finger in it and bring it to his lips, work towards him Cumming in your hand and him doing it on his own. Try the “yoga” masturbation positon where is cock is pointed at his face, then he hits his mouth while he is still in the “zone”. I started off with a simple guideline, if I don’t cum he needs to eat it. Now this creates a big mental problem for him, he loves to jerk off and he hates to eat sperm, what do you think wins out? Yes masturbation. When my husband got to the point that he would do it on his own when he masturbated, I had him stop and only eat cum that was in me. If he just flat out refuses then you need to punish him. Lock him in Chasity until he agrees to eat it. Test him by “milking” him while in Chasity and making him eat it from your hand (milking is using a prostrate toy on him which will cause his penis to release sperm even if he is not hard). Once he has shown his love and respect for you and your directions, then in my case now I only have him eat it when we make love, I just like his face in my nasty pussy, it turns me on and keeps him in his place WIN/WIN.
18. Cream Pies: This is a term for your husband to perform oral sex on you after you have had intercourse with him or another man. Whether it is his submission or humiliation, licking any semen from your wife's pussy is #1 on the hit parade of submissive men. Why is that? It is a combination of every male taboo rolled into one, - Men aren't supposed to eat cum (well, straight men aren't...) and - Men are supposed to guard their wives' chastity/purity with their lives. Ejaculating in a woman is a strong symbol of possession, and seeing another man's semen in your wife's most private, intimate place is a clear sign that she is in control of her body. If there is any single thing that "proves" that your wife was unfaithful, it is the sight of semen dripping from her vagina. A creampie says, "Not only did she cuckold her husband, but she did it very well." Semen does not taste good; if he is lucky, it does not taste terrible. Licking it up - especially if it is a large amount - is very, very difficult, and emphasizes the submissive humiliating nature of what the wife is doing to her husband.
19. Embarrassment: The internet is full of ideas on how to embarrass you submissive husband. What’s hard to find is why embarrass him at all? Some of the advice out there is just mean and hurtful. My goal is to bring spark, excitement and take control of our sex life, not destroy my husband. With that said, submissive men all enjoy some level of embarrassment. You may want to do a bit of research and then have a “naked” talk with him and see how his lie detector responds. As an example having your husband going into a store and asking the sales girl for help buying panties is the type of activity that you both will enjoy. His little pee pee will get so hard first by seeing panties and second by the reaction of another WOMEN knowing he is submissive. Find his triggers and then exploit them to take control. Submissive men are submissive to ALL women, embarrassment plays into their brain as a way to show the one they love how far they will go to please them. Change it up and find new ways to challenge with embarrassing tasks.
20. Pegging: If you are thinking of getting totally adventurous, kinky, or fulfilling his secret fantasy and assert more control in the bedroom as dominant partner, then penetrating your husband using a “strap on” or “prostrate toy” is the kind of role reversal you both will enjoy. Having your man bent over, completely vulnerable, preferably restrained in some way is a feeling that nothing else can match. Trust me, once you take your man this way you will want to do it all the time. It’s best to start gently. FIRST remember to have him take an enama, clean him out! Use lots of lube. It might be messy but better than causing tears which could mean time away from play. Rub the tip of a well lubricated finger against the tip of his anus. As the anus relaxes, it will allow the finger to slide inside without requiring any force. While entering, your palm should be facing up, and enter his anus with one finger. A gentle pressure can be applied when rubbing against the anus, and pushing your finger in. Most likely he’ll gasp, that means you are doing it right. If your finger is long enough, you should be able to feel the prostate. Curl your finger in as if you are to bring it in towards your palm. Although not the norm, per se, but he seems to react with pleasurable moans and groans when I swipe slightly to the left and right. Keep things extremely well lubricated and make it a habit to reapply lubrication at regular intervals. Sure, your man is going to be leaking lube from his ass later that day, but it will make the anal experiences much more enjoyable. Using too much lube is not really a problem. His prostrate is like your G spot, once you find it your whole world rocks. Relax, enjoy yourself, and take your man like the bitch he is.
21. Girl Friends: In my close circle of friends, my mother, sister, housekeeper and a very close girlfriend that knows my husband is a sexual submissive. I have since made new friends in exploring my husband’s submission with like-minded people. Sometimes you just need to have another lady to bounce ideas off. I was surprised just how much my mother and sister enjoyed helping with my submissive husband, and that my husband enjoyed taking direction for my mother, sister and all my lady friends. I have meet many other wife’s who also have submissive husbands and can talk much more honest and direct then with my other girlfriends, this feedback that I get helps a lot. MAKE the time, or have your husband put in the time and find like-minded couples in your area. Most areas have groups that meet once a month and now many of the couples are good friends of ours. You need to do this for your husband, his brain knows that at least 12 times a year we are spending a few hours on him. YOU NEED to get him out to keep him happy, and in turn you happy.
22. Cuckold: Turning your husband into a cuckold can be one of the most rewarding things you ever do. A successfully cuckolded husband will be completely submissive. He will satisfy all your sexual cravings, manage all the mundane chores of your life, allow you to sleep with whomever you wish, subject himself to any amount of humiliation you desire, and of course, love you unconditionally. I had never heard this term before I started doing research on line. Cuckold describes a wife who is allowed to have sex with other men but the husband must be faithful to his wife. I never dreamed that this was ever possible, men want to have their wife’s explore other men? Was this a trick? So back to the lie detector. I read a story to my husband about a wife who has sex with other men while her husband watched, I was shocked at how hard his dick became. So I started asking “what if” questions and found that he responded like a cuckold. This was a very real turn on for him, and more for me. I am “middle aged”, and a bit over weight, but I want to play with younger men. I was brought up to be a good girl and only have sex with my husband and now I need to re program myself on how to explore my new sexual freedom. This is an important point, my husband and I set some ground rules on how this would work. In our case my husband is always there, I never explore any other man without him in the room. I can explore as many men as I like, but not more than twice a year with the same man. All the rules we set were to make sure that this was just going to be about us having a wild sexual experience without any emotional connection. I get to live the life of a “slutty” house wife, and my husband would get what he craves, his wife sexually satisfied, WIN/WIN/WIN. It’s much harder than you think to find a male willing to sex with my husband in the room, so we started with “professionals”. Yes we hired somebody to give me a “sensual” massage, a male escort, a male dom and a male stripper. The story of what happened is not that important, what is important is the effect it had on my husband and our marriage. We had sex 5 times the next day and half. I was so Horney that I felt like a collage girl out of control. Over the next 5 days my husband ask for permission and masturbated 12 more times, to this day if I mention it he gets hard. I try and find at least once a month where we can have some sort of a sexual adventure with a boy toy. We fell in love with each other all over again. The most common reason a women doesn't cuckold her husband is that she thinks he'll never go for it - that he's not the type. This is such a myth that it must be dispelled immediately. Most cuckolds begin as ordinary husbands. A survey of couples in the cuckold lifestyle revealed that 74% of them chose to explore the lifestyle in order to “spice up” their marriage. Most were married >10 years and had found their intimate lives had fallen into that proverbial rut. Take heart in the fact that underneath all his machismo and pride, there is a cock loving wimp that is begging you to force him to do all sorts of nasty things. Intimacy is important for a husband who has been cuckolded. This includes both physical and emotional intimacy, remember his sharing you with another man requires you to give him the positive feedback and tender care he requires.
23. Forced Bi: I know what you are thinking, your husband would never suck a dick, or so you would think. Now I have played with other women before in my collage days, and found that I would rather take on a bunch of guys (less than 4) if I had a choice. Straight men do not suck cock, that’s what we were all told. The problem is that I really wanted to see my husband suck a cock. I became obsessed with the idea that he loves me so much that he would do this for me. So I did what I always do and with to the lie detector. Now what I found was not what I expected. He had no interest in going out and finding a dick to suck, no interest in a glory hole, no interest in a gay club, no interest in a gay bathhouse, nothing. Then I found the trigger, “forced”. When I told him that I was going to force him to suck a cock for me his dick got very hard, very fast. When I told him I may have him perform at a glory hole, he got harder. When I told him that I wanted him to help me suck a guy before I fucked him he almost lost it. When I told him from now on if the guys we meet wanted anal sex, he was going to give up his ass. You see the point is that a sexual submissive will do just about anything to please his wife, even suck a dick, even get ass fucked. To him it was not about the dick, it was about pleasing me. The bonus for me is that every time I get him to put a dick in his mouth I explode between my legs. It’s not something that we do each day, only when I need to change things up. It’s this type of spark that keeps a marriage hot and exciting.
24. Transvestites: A straight guy is naturally attracted to women, a good transvestite looks just like a women but with a dick. My husband dose so many nice things for me that I decided to do something special just for him so I booked us a session with a transvestite. For me, this was beyond hot. This girl was a pro and in no time had my husband relaxed, Horney and sucking dick. Now I found that by giving my husband a choice makes the experience even hotter, “Honey would you like to suck her (the transvestite) or for her to fuck you in your vagina (his ass)?” Now when we started down this road I never thought that my husband would ever do this, nor would I want him to do this, but I must admit that trying it made it kinky fun and I love it. Again, like dick sucking, it’s not something that we do each day, only when I need to change things up.
25. Queening: Queening is, basically, the use of the male face, mouth, and nose and tongue, for sexual pleasure of a dominant woman. It places the man in the most slavish, subservient position, under the woman's crotch. She sits on his face, or has his head trapped between her thighs. The whole event is devoted to her pleasure, her orgasms, and her time schedule. The man's pleasure or pain, satisfaction or frustration, desires or fears are of little importance, if any. The woman's clitoris, vulva, labia and vagina demand service. His mouth, lips, tongue and nose are merely live tools there to pleasure her labia, clitoris, vulva and vaginal passage. Queening properly places the woman on top of the male face, using it ruthlessly and selfishly. 'Queening' by definition, requires a dominant, demanding woman and a subservient, obedient man. The woman must be concerned only with her personal pleasure and satisfaction. He must be trained, if necessary by painful punishment, in the proper use of his facial features. She must gain the maximum delight and orgasmic satisfaction without concerning herself with her husband’s possible distress, humiliation and discomfort. She must teach him the way to kiss, lick and suck her sexually, with particular attention to her clitoris. He must suck and swallow her sex juices. He must be in awe of her. He must adore her. He must give her respect, and recognize her superiority. He must worship her genitals. When she dismounts she will casually ignore him, dismissing him abruptly, sending him off to continue his housework, followed by taunts and insults. Perhaps she will lend him to the girlfriends!
26. Golden Showers: This is an important point, just because your husband is submissive does not mean that he will enjoy all things submissive. In our case he has NO interest in drinking my pee. A Golden Shower is the act of urinating on another person, usually for sexual gratification, or as a way of humiliation. More common than a Golden bath, where, during anal sex, one partner urinates into the colon of the other. Now if you own a dog you have found that they will want to pee on the same spot that another dog has peed as a sign of dominance. This is the same for a wife with a submissive husband. When you pee on him you are showing dominance. So one night when I was a bit stoned I got him naked, put him in the tub, and peed on his penis, I marked my territory. Then I had him masturbate in my pee. The most common form of a golden shower has nothing to do with drinking urine at all. A man with voyeuristic tendencies often wants to be in the bathroom while the wife is relieving herself. I did discover that it excites my husband watching me pee. So on occasion I will call him into the bathroom, have him pull down my panties, kneel on the floor and watch me pee, wipe me, kiss my vagina, and re dress me. I will never forget the first time I gave my husband a golden shower, in the shower. We were showering together, soaping each other up and generally fooling around when I started to become amorous. I slithered up to him, wrapped my arms around his neck and stuck my tongue down his throat. Then I pulled his thigh right up between my thighs. I began to rub my pussy on him, knowing I had to tinkle, and when the time was right, I let loose down his leg. It took him a few seconds to realize all the water in the shower was not coming 'from the faucet but that some of it was coming from me. Love those lie detectors!
27. Rebellion: Unless your husband is a complete idiot, he will eventually notice what you are doing and rebel. That is inevitable. It would be great if your husband could accept the happiness that you are giving him by taking the lead in your marriage. But history and culture are not so easily swept aside. Additionally, men have a tendency to sway from one extreme to another as, for example, between intimacy and independence. It is important that when he does that you recognize what is happening and respond appropriately. At these times he may become argumentative or, more likely, retreat into himself, figuratively or literally, to work out a solution to the problem you are presenting him. His natural preference will be to resolve this without your interference. Almost always such rebellions are ignited not by unhappiness with the marriage or with you but by his feelings of insecurity about how others will perceive him. Lax management of his orgasms will encourage rebellions. The more satisfied he is, the more attention he will give to his ego. And it will be his ego in play.
28. Social groups: For many couples involved in a Female led relationship they like to meet other couples that are also involved in this type of relationship. Through meeting other couples they are able to learn more about a relationship where a Female is in control. They feel relaxed and are able to engage in social activities where everyone is aware of this type of relationship. Social groups are also a great way for those that are new to a Female controlled relationship to meet others and gain a better understanding. The group may also include singles who are seeking to meet others for a relationship. Friends in traditional relationships may not understand the new lifestyle you are choosing, and they may not be supportive. Because of the societal stigmas attached to many alternative relationships, some of your friends may not stick around long enough for you to explain. When we were starting out I found that social groups were a great way to explore and gain a better understanding of how my husband works. You can see if this is a good fit for you and your partner and gain the perspective from those that live this way. Couples at social meet ups share ideas, techniques, problems and struggles. Dominant women can speak with other dominant women and submissive men to other submissive men openly and freely. When hanging out with traditional couples that don’t understand my husband’s submission, I would feel anxious, worrying that some detail would slip that will reveal things not ready to reveal. This type of group alleviates this anxiety and allows you to just enjoy time with friends without any worries whatsoever.
Female led relationships are one of the more misunderstood types of relationships. People speak out against it without fully understanding what it is and why it works, they judge way to easy. The fact is that a female led relationship is a consensual relationship, accepted and agreed upon by both partners. A female led relationship casts aside the assigned gender roles given by society and it creates a different relationship. For many men and women, this is new and exciting. The advantage of a female led relationship is that you no longer need to stay silent and your needs and desires will be fulfilled. Your partner will see how much better you respond and since men are highly visual, the more aroused you are, the more aroused he will be. In the bedroom, a female led relationship is both thrilling and satisfying for a woman. A Female Led Relationship allows the man to take a step back from the burdens and responsibilities of leading his relationship. He can simply follow the orders given by his wife. Yes, there might be duties for him to complete or difficult tasks for him to perform, but he can simply take care of the obligations assigned to him with little concern for where these actions are leading him. The responsibility lies with his girlfriend or wife, and it’s her job to worry and stress about the bigger picture. He can simply sit back and enjoy the freedom that comes from submitting to the feminine power of his significant other. Most men that do engage in Female Led Relationships find that they experience less stress than they ever thought possible, and they finally feel free from the obligations and burdens of life.
If the two-thirds of men who have fantasized about being sexually dominated by a woman had a wife who was willing to put the time into her marriage, how many couples would avoided divorce court? Think about all the things that you spend time on each day that are far less important than your partner. For me our Female Led Relationship has evolved each day that I put time into it. We did not start out Cuckolding the first day, week or even months, we grew into it as a happy couple. Just take one small step at a time and be happy, have fun, try new things, push your limits a bit each week. My husband is not locked up full time in Chasity, he is still the alpha male in the work place, he is not dressed full time like a women, he is not whipped on a cross, he has not been branded or tattooed, he is not masturbating without approval, he never looks at another women, he is just happy. I am the center of his world, how could that be a bad thing? We did not replace or friends, only add new ones. My only regret is that I did not work on my marriage sooner. I understand that what works for me may not work for you, but take each section and find a few things that will work to help your husband’s submissive needs, he is worth it, and so are you.
Normal Wife - BPPez@aol.com