Hello,
I've been playing around with the idea of posting this for a couple days, and since it's afternoon and I'm still in bed I figured now is probably a good time -- rough night, lmao. ????
I cuckolded my boyfriend on Saturday. I can't say I didn't have second thoughts afterwards -- I thought I fucked up, and that he was mad and jealous and was going to dump me, and I was heartbroken. He didn't do anything to make me think this, but it was just a very heavy experience. My emotions were haywire with guilt and regret, and but also happiness from knowing that I gave him his fantasy. All in all every thing is okay though. The fear was short-lived and he has been great letting me know everything is okay for him.
It was our first time, so I am by no means an expert. We have been playing with caging and domination for a few months, but it was my first time cuckolding, and his first time, but I for sure feel even closer now knowing we made it through it alright! Before we did it, I did quite a bit of research. I have been dominating him and stuff for months, but I had a lot of fear about actually going through with it, because plain and simple I love him and I don't want to hurt him. I know he likes it, but I worried he didn't even know what he was getting into. So the day before, I spent seriously hours here at the blog "researching", and reading about people's experience. And seriously, it made me a lot more comfortable.
A lot of the posts I came across were ones with happy endings. "My wife fell in love with me more," or was a better lover to me, or became closer to me etc. I stayed patient and kept reading, and I noticed some trends in these stories. I'm no expert on it, but I know how I feel and how he feels. I think I can help some of you who think you will lose your wife or girlfriend.
From what I've gathered, lots of guys see cuckolding as, "I take care of her emotional needs, he takes care of her physical needs." I'm not so sure how accurate that is-- fucking a bigger guy isn't a NEED for me at all and I love being with my boyfriend even if I orgasm less. But it sure is fun and dirty. So I don't buy into it the whole way, but it seems to be a fair view of it, even if it's a lot more complicated than that.
Here is the thing though, on other sites, I read about guys with sad stories that say "okay I have the emotional needs, she has the physical", she's going to be happy. But then it seems like they turn EVERYTHING into cuckolding and being submissive and being less than her guy. Like, I have my paycheck deposited into her account, I sleep in the guest room every night, I do all the chores no matter what and call her a goddess the whole time and beg for punishment and this and this and it's taken over our whole lives. Maybe I'm reading it wrong, -- like they go what are you doing, my boyfriend says we are watching TV and hanging out and they say "Ohh she must be fucking with your psyche, like trying to get you comfortable so she can come back and make it worse." Uhhh no, we are just watching Netflix lmao. That's all. Nothing more, nothing less.
What I'm saying is it seems like a lot of the guys who lose their wife's interest or lose her altogether have formed a deep deep obsession with the cuckolding. Everything that happens in their marriage is about him wanting her being dominant, him trying to get her to fuck around, him wanting to be humiliated, him wanting to feel less than. What does the first word of all of those say? "Him, him, him, him." He is obsessed with her attending to his fantasy, and it just feels to him like it's about her because she is in charge.
I could be completely wrong on this, but I don't think so. I think it takes over their lives because he becomes obsessed with her meeting HIS "needs", or at least his fetish. Well guess what? You're not meeting her emotional needs at that point. And wasn't that your side of the bargain? That you had the emotional and he had the physical?
I hope I don't come off as bitchy or condescending. I don't know these people or their lives, I just see what I see in what they write, and the ones that end badly seem to be a lot more of an obsession then a fetish. And then what do you have? You are not there for her emotionally OR physically. Whether or not you realize it-- and I'm sure she gets pleasure out of being in charge too, I know I do-- you are so obsessed with living the fantasy that it's like "how much of this does she actually want? Any of it? Or is it just me wanting mine?" She probably feels like there is no emotional or physical connection because every time she asks if you want to go to a fucking movie you say "you go, and take my credit cards and max them all out at the mall and see your bull there and leave me tied up at home." This is an exaggeration of course, but still. That glimmer of personality and love isn't there anymore. It's only the fetish and the man trying to splurge in it. She asks what she's still doing and leaves. Even if there's a fetish for her, she is probably interested in the marriage still, and not making every little thing about sex or humiliation, and her emotional needs are not being met either.
I can only speak for myself, but I know lots of women guys, and I talk to them about their marriages and relationships plenty. We are complicated. We are sexual, yes, but we also want to feel loved and appreciated-- we need it really hehe. If you have a girl who is willing to cuckold you, it doesn't mean she is a power-hungry sex freak who lives for the next time she can humiliate you. It means she is kinkier and more open-minded than most, and she probably loved you for you in the first place if you even ended up with her. I know that's how it is for us.
I'm not worried about that with my boyfriend. I feel like the reason we have been pretty successful with our feelings and emotions so far is that he has a mature mindset-- he's even 3, almost 4 years younger than me (31 and 28). He gets that it is a game, and that I want love and someone to talk to and be goofy and serious and deep and lazy with, and that's what he gives me. He always leaves whether to play or not up to me. He gets sometimes I want to hang out and read. Sometimes I want space. Sometimes I want to see my friends. And yes, sometimes I want to make him my little bitch and tie him up and make him eat me in a cock cage.
Its probably torture for him to wait sometimes, but he understands this is a very complicated thing we are doing, and he never asks for sex or kinky fun unless its an appropriate time. Not that I'd be too mad if he did here and there, but I believe we are building a safe foundation for the long run. If every time I asked him what he wanted to do for dinner, he said "Whatever you want, my goddess, please spit in my food and hit on the server and call me a bitch," I would lose interest pretty fucking fast, and probably lose respect for him too-- not because he's a submissive, but because it has taken over his full personality. Sometimes, often even, "Thai food?" is a much better answer. And don't worry, I don't spit in his food, but I do make him beg for mercy when his cock is hard in the cage and he hasn't cum in weeks and I make him think that I'll let him cum, because I'm texting some guy and sending him naked pictures and telling him I want him to fuck me, and then I'll leave him high and dry :)
That is fun! But it's part of our game.
Plus, plenty of the time I do want to play. He never has to wait too long, but waiting is important so we don't lose our connection. I am getting my needs met, and it's not all about MY needs either. I make sure to meet his too, whether it's emotional support on something that came up at work, feeling loved, or even feeling comfortable with what we are doing. I love him to death, and I make sure he knows that too.
And also, just about the "I meet her emotional needs, he meets the physical" idea and why I don't agree with it. I think it's a good over-simplification to kind of base this around, but for sure not totally accurate. If you like to talk like that with your girl, that's great, we do too. But that's not all it is. This may come as a shock to anyone that thinks cuckoldresses are simple-minded sex freaks, but physical needs aren't all about sex either.
I want to say, I love having sex with my boyfriend. It's warm and full of love and tenderness, and yes it feels great sexually too. I orgasm a lot more during lusty sex with an alpha-type guy, it's true, and scream a lot more and I'm willing to be dirtier. But a lot of that is because it feels dirty and naughty, and I like feeling like I'm being a slut that's only there for sex. I'd take making love over having empty lust fucks any day, but if he wants me to have both and likes how it feels to him, sure we can do both. The more sex, the better and I do scream LOUD with other guys!
But that's only sex. Physical needs also include for me, and almost every woman I know: cuddling, kissing, massages, hugs, and just touching. My boyfriend likes to think about him being the cuddler and someone else being the strong fucker, and that's fine with me. But he is meeting my physical needs perfectly, not just cuddling but also sex too. GOOD sex, sometimes it's lusty dirty sex and I like that. So yeah, it's not just one does emotional and one does physical.
I am extremely happy with my boyfriend. He makes me feel loved and I can trust him and we have a lots of fun and intimacy. But if he insisted on turning every single conversation into submissiveness, I'd feel like we lost the connection too. Honestly we are on even ground in the relationship itself. I know he likes being my bitch and I embrace it, but he knows for sure we are equal in the real world. He does run the finances and makes more bigger decisions, which is part of what a real man is to me. So, he gives me control of when and how we are going to play. I give him control of the rules and boundaries and stopping anything he is not comfortable with. It's working out great, and it's not taking over our lives because he gives me power of when I want to be kinky. Besides, he knows I'm going to want to soon enough.
Idk! Sorry if this came off commanding or judgmental. You guys have seriously been a lot of help to us in finding what works for us and what doesn't, just by sending in all these blog posts, and I hope I can help a few cuckolds too. Because when I read something that says "my wife has lost all respect for me and does what she wants, now she wants a divorce," it really actually makes me pretty sad. I hope this helps anyone at all. This is what works for us. A good solid relationship with the occasional big cock to fill me up while my little bitch watches.
Thanks for reading. I know I come off silly and probably weird and dumb a lot, but it's just because I like to have fun, and I am having fun. I do really actually think about stuff quite a bit, and I by no means blindly jumped into cuckolding him before I understood it and knew it wasn't going to alienate us (lmao). I'm not an expert, but I know how our relationship is working, and I read posts that are pretty much the opposite. If this can help one person find happiness in being able to live their fantasy, I'll be satisfied. Cuckolding is a blast and can be fun for all.
Thanks for reading and putting up with me!
Xoxo
Lydia
