Before we begin with this week’s post, let’s take care of some housekeeping. You will notice that an email address for the Cuckold Coach has been added. The mission of the column, Cuckold Strategies that Work is to help couples determine if cuckolding is for them and if so help them explore the interest. The emphasis is on guiding ladies interested in giving it a try or learning more. Given this mission, it makes sense that readers, particularly those attempting the strategies, have a vehicle to provide feedback and ask questions. Additionally, some couples may want to share how their attempts at the various strategies have worked for them, including challenges or variations. So, consider this your invitation to both communicate with the Coach, and share your experiences! Please include in your correspondence whether or not you are okay with your submission being posted. Your email will not be shared (unless you want it to be!). If your correspondence is meant for the Cuckold Coach alone, please express that clearly.
Now then, if you have been reading this column and attempting the recommendations in it from the beginning, you are probably experiencing and likely enjoying some of the fun and exciting aspects of a cuckold relationship, which by now you know is pretty much inseparable from the dynamic of a more female-led relationship. This is true even if you have not yet interacted with another man besides your husband/partner. If you are new to the column, just curious, or are entertaining the idea of cuckolding; as always, I encourage you to start at the beginning with the post # 1. It will seem less daunting and make much more sense if you do so. If you have read all the posts, but not attempted any of the strategies shared, it is time for you to come to grips with whether or not this interest is something you want, or are curious enough to actually try. It is not for everyone. If it is not for you, tiptoeing around the edges and procrastinating will only result in frustration and conflict in your relationship. Move on to other shared interests.
On the other hand, assuming you have been working through the posts and following some of the strategies, you are at a point where you should be entertaining what we will call the elephant in the living room, accomplishing the goal that is at the heart of cuckolding. Today’s post will center on how it is that you will move toward being intimate with another man and love it, meanwhile your husband/boyfriend will not only tolerate it, but before it is over will acknowledge how immensely turned on he is by it. Hard to believe?
First a word on confidence. There is nothing many women suffer more from than a lack of confidence. The world inundates us with images of “perfect” physical specimens and holds them up as the standard. It is an illusion and it is destructive. The good news is that men don’t subscribe to it. Dubious? Ask yourself why traditional, overly polished and contrived erotic media has taken a backseat to homegrown productions where the principals look like your neighbor across the street. Jump online for fifteen or twenty minutes and see how hard you have to look to find anything but girls-next-door doing the guy who came to fix the whatever. The physical is such a small part of this dynamic. Your husband or partner picked you to do life with! Don’t take for granted what that says about your ability to attract men. How many times have you seen or come to know of a situation where a very attractive man is with what some might say is a far less (physically) attractive woman. Ask yourself how that came about? How many times have you seen situations where a man has an uncommonly beautiful woman at home, but steps out with someone far less so (by media standards)? Understand me; I am not saying physical attraction means nothing. We should certainly all strive to put our best foot forward in this regard. Staying in decent shape and giving some thought and effort to how we look when we go out in the world is a matter of self-respect and respect for others we might encounter. That said, the threshold for how “world class beautiful” one has to be to engage the interest of others is far lower than most people think. I will put this bluntly. You have to be downright ugly to not be able to enjoy sexually charged interaction, and even then, all it does is slow down the frequency a bit. Engage in a little experiment with me and you will soon have constructed a life for yourself where you daily have your ability to attract the opposite sex confirmed. Imagine it for a moment. Imagine feeling powerful, desirable and good about yourself…every day. Let’s see how.
The first thing you need to know as a woman is that you don’t have to make anything happen. All you have to do is clear the way for something to happen. The other thing, is that it never has to become a runaway train. When I encouraged you above to take a reality check about whether or not cuckolding is for you, to stop procrastinating or move on to other areas of shared interest, I was not saying you have to jump in the sack with the first willing soul to show up warm and breathing. Flirting and moving through the various levels and paths of cuckold exploration is where much of the fun is. For many women in serious relationships, it has been quite some time since they have engaged in the dance of flirting, courtship and beyond. That is fine! Remember how fun and exciting it was? You can now relive that, and share it with your partner. All you have to do is put off the right vibe and stay out of your own way.
Remember the strategy of making notations in your notebook about men you have found attractive? I shared that you don’t have to wait until you find someone you feel moved to get right to it with. That is not how things unfold for most women. Just opening your eyes to the men around you, day in and day out, changes the energy you put off and documenting what you see and feel enhances that even further. Some couples find that there is safety in anonymity, choosing to seek a stranger online who knows right up front what the situation is. My own experience is that is a rather mechanical way to go about it. It is a plunge many women struggle taking. There are certainly advantages to that approach and it works great for some couples, but today we will talk about easing into engaging with someone you meet in a more natural way. Of course there are many people who fear the entanglements of getting involved with someone already in your social or professional life, but there are also many advantages. Only you can determine which of the two approaches appeals most to you. For that matter, nothing says you have to use one or the other. One thing I will say is that men are not as inclined to fall madly in love with you, confront and confess to your husband (as if he didn’t already know) and try to blow up your primary relationship. Most are happy to have their fun and leave it at that (which is not to say there is no emotional or intellectual interest at all). My point, is that the men around you every day are a good place to start your journey of flirting, courting and beyond.
I mentioned above that you don’t have to make anything happen. What you do have to do is make it safe for interested gentlemen to do so. Obviously at some point you will have to identify someone who you think represents a possible prospect (or maybe a few someones). Maybe it is someone you encounter with some regularity in the line at Starbucks each morning. Perhaps it is a customer or colleague you come in contact with in your place of employment. Maybe it is someone who works at a business you patronize with some regularity. The possibilities are endless once you open your eyes. The point is that once you identify someone, you need to engage in some sort of conversation. You don’t have to carry the conversation, but you either have to initiate it in some small way, or respond positively if he does. Allow these little exchanges to become more frequent and extend their duration. If you normally only talk shop (in the case of someone you encounter professionally), steer the conversation to other things such as: what you or he did last weekend, what you have going on for the upcoming one. If there is interest, and you open the door, he will move the ball ahead. He may not know where it is headed and for that matter you might not be sure either, but everyone enjoys positive exchange (particularly if it becomes a flirty and flattering). At some point, it will become clear that the conversations could easily go beyond that which takes place in a brief, passing way. If your situation allows for it, take the conversation from a quick, standing exchange to a seated chat. If for example you encounter this gentleman at the local lunch stop or coffee shop, tell him he is welcome to join you. He may ask you to join him! The point is to seize on opportunities to interact with men you see as being prospective lovers. That said, NOTHING says you have to go all the way with any given individual! You can flirt and leave it at that if you do not feel moved to do more. Engage in this dance often enough, and you will have put yourself in a position for something to happen. Then as mentioned before, get out of your own way.
Consider this week’s post a tame part one of two on how to get down the road toward being intimate with someone other than your husband/boyfriend. It occurs to me that this is a good place to stop. You have some seed-planting to do. It makes no sense for me to tell you where to go next if you have not done this groundwork. I will say this: This is the hardest part for most women. As difficult as that is to believe, it is absolutely true. Not because it is complicated, but because many committed women have not engaged in this way in some time and lack the aforementioned confidence. Baby steps. Just talk, smile and enjoy. Once you have subtly acknowledged mutual interest with someone, the momentum carries things through in a way that feels remarkably natural and familiar. It is getting things moving in that direction that seems daunting. Keep your eyes open, seize on opportunities to engage with potential lovers, and focus over the next couple weeks on making notes in your journal about the men you have encountered. The next post will focus on how to recognize that mutual interest and how to make it safe for him to act on it.
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