Not Being in Control

Emotional Rollercoaster - Hi all, I’m new to the blog and thought I’d make my first contribution a bit more than a ‘nice tits’ type of submission!

Although not in a cuck/hotwife relationship now, I was for about 15 years.

It all started one drunken night when we invited a few friends back for drinks. We drank, they all left except one guy and somehow he and I ended up in bed fucking my wife into the early hours. Until this point I’d never thought about my wife fucking other men, in fact I was of the jealous type who hated her even flirting. However, watching her fuck him was an immense thrill and in the morning there were no regrets or thoughts of jealousy, insecurity, etc. In fact, we had two more threesomes with the same guy before he left the area.

Some time later another guy we both knew started to flirt with my wife. I asked her if she wanted to fuck him, she said yes, so I said she should try to make it happen. One night we were all out in a club and on returning from the toilets I caught them kissing deeply. Although I was OK with this, his reaction suggested that there was no way that he would join us as a threesome. He left the club leaving my wife and me to talk. We agreed that, if she still wanted him and if he was game that she should arrange to see him alone. This she did and the night soon arrived.

On the night she left for his at about 7.30pm - all dressed up and ready to be fucked. She didn’t return until about 2.00am, during which time my mind was in turmoil. It was clear that this was a very different ballgame to a drunken threesome and I swayed emotionally between being very turned on and deeply concerned.

On her return she walked through the door with a flushed look on her face. I asked if they had fucked, she replied ‘of course we did stupid, he’s fucked me three times tonight!’. The next hour was pure joy as I pleasured her whilst she told me how they had fucked. However, I sensed a little reservation in her, almost as if she was reluctant to tell me everything.

The next day it hit me. During the threesomes I was in control, and very much the ‘main man’; I orchestrated how we fucked, my cock was bigger than his, my wife came as I fucked her, he didn’t come, etc. But the previous night was different and there were many unanswered questions; was his cock bigger than mine, how many times did she come, did she do anything with him that she didn’t with me and, most importantly, was he a better fuck than me?

The next few weeks were a real emotional rollercoaster as my mind battled with the contradiction of wanting her to fuck him, but not wanting him to be better/bigger than me. During that time we had several arguments over the subject, but we also had several mind-blowing fuck sessions too!

As time wore on I came to the conclusion that my mixed emotions were due to me not being absolutely honest with myself about who I am and what I am sexually. I began to accept that I actually wanted my wife to not only fuck other men for my enjoyment, but for hers too. I wanted her lover to have a good cock, I wanted him to be a good fuck and I wanted her to enjoy many orgasms with him.

This led to many experiences over our time together. However, it was purely a ‘hotwife’ type of relationship as I never had sexual contact with her lovers, I never cleaned her and she never dominated me either sexually or not.

As I said at the start of this story I am not in a hotwife/cuck relationship now, although my current partner (of many years and who's photos I've sent in) has helped me to explore and be more open about my sexual desires further still. As such I am now totally comfortable with who I am both outwardly/socially and inwardly/sexually. I accept that I have a totally submissive side, a side that would happily submit to my partner and her lover should she choose to take one. She knows this, but is reluctant to take a lover although she does enjoy the dominant role.

She confessed several years ago that she would like to see me bent over and my virgin ass taken by a well built guy. She also gets very turned on by the thought of me bringing a man to erection with my mouth before feeding him into her – and then of course licking them both clean. She also likes to take the dominant lead now and then with light femdom - tying my hands, facesitting and taking my arse with her vibrator or strap-on.

She would make an excellent cuckoldress – I live in hope!

I suppose this rambling post is directed at any couples who are thinking about embarking on the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle, and my message is two-fold:

1) Talk to each other about what you want from each other and how much you are prepared to give.

2) Be honest with each other – and with yourself!

In doing so maybe your emotional rollercoaster will have more highs than lows?

Good luck, and have fun.

OneTimeCuck