My Wife is Pushing Me Away

Hello,

Let me start by saying that I'm not a writer. This isn't a skill that I have... Honestly I'm writing this in large part as a way to inform my wife of how I'm feeling inside, my inner most thoughts and feelings. The hope is that I can communicate here to her, what our new lifestyle choice means to me and how much I enjoy it, her and our amazing life together.

She's getting the link to this when I'm done and hopefully this has the desired effect ??

Cuckolding/hotwifing is relatively new to us. Especially the cuckolding part of this lifestyle. It all started with a post she was reading from her Facebook feed. It was an article on cuckolding and how popular it has become as well as what the draw was for couples that found themselves involved with the lifestyle. Abbie read the title of the article aloud and instantly piqued my interest with it. (Hers as well obviously) We've always been open sexually, involved in the swinging scene, visiting clubs and trying new things sexually are part of who we've been together... since the day we first met basically. It works for us.

We we're having something to eat in the kitchen that day and as she read she could tell how interested I was in the topic. I've found that for her if I am that into something sexually she then becomes intrigued and wants to know more about it, as well as what's grabbed my attention and why.

I love her for it.

We were basically parked in our spots for the rest of that afternoon/evening having drinks and deep conversation. A lot of secrets were revealed that night. She was surprised at many of the things I revealed to her. It wasn't cuckolding per se as the conversation went more towards the hotwifing aspects of this lifestyle.

It all came pouring out. Well at least a lot of it. The things I knew I enjoyed or would enjoy and wanted. She didn't believe much of it, or maybe that isn't the right way to put it. She at the very least couldn't understand how I, her husband, wanted her to have sex with other men while at the same time having no desire for the whole "tit for tat" aspect of non monogamous relationships. I had no desire to have a girlfriend. I didn't need to sleep with other people too.

Needless to say we would spend literally months more discussing this and many other aspects of the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle. Each literally baring our sexual souls to one another and always with me reassuring her that the thought of her having unlimited sexual freedom turned me on like nothing I had ever imagined. She was informed that it was important to me that she was just as turned on by it as I was. This wasn't about getting off or bowing to my every sexual whim or need. I wanted her to own it. Embrace it and really only do it for her, if it suited her. There was no pressure, just communication.

Cuckolding didn't seem to appeal to me at the time. It was definitely a hotwife thing. Either dates with men while I sat in the corner and watched or dates on her own. It was all good. I don't think I understood that even if I thought it wasn't cuckolding, that some of it definitely was. The humiliation aspect didn't really appeal. I think in large part because it scared me and worried me that if I actually enjoyed that it would make me less than, less of a man and not worthy in her eyes. That she might actually look at me like "a little bitch of a man" and that wouldn't do. I'm actually a pretty alpha type guy in my day to day and somehow thought this would change that for her. I'll admit it, I was wrong. In many ways and on many levels.

We researched all of it. Both in our own different ways. I imagine it appealed to her even though she was loaded with uncertainty about the whole thing so she needed to know more. More about every aspect of what a hotwife was and wasn't. If you try to research it you'll quickly find the two interwoven. Cuckolding and hotwifing are the same things to many people and to others they are not. There are many camps in this regard. I found myself in the "not the same" camp. Abbie on the other hand wasn't sure and would ask me very specific questions as to whether I was or wasn't a cuck. I assured her I wasn't...lol Its funny in hindsight.

I'm a cuck. I want to be a cuck. I want her to rule me. I'm not dominant in bed, I'm completely submissive and it took all of this, that fb article and all of our conversations as well as a really fun drunk night when she flat out asked me if I wanted her to cuckold me (while grabbing my cock and softly saying it in my ear, I don't know If I've ever came as hard as I did that night) for me to realise that I am, or at least wanted to be.

She's always been able to dominate me in bed and she is the type of woman that will take those reigns if she senses that's who you are. I've also learned that she loves a dominant man. She wants to be overpowered, taken, manhandled and even somewhat sensually abused, fucked hard and long and despite her protestations to the contrary she really wants a big (not super long but nice) fat wide cock to stretch her out. She's a marathon girl. Lol. Descriptive but true.

I can't provide all of that for her. I'm somewhere around 6.5" long. Maybe slightly longer when I am super hard and really well rested but I'm not wide. Not at all. It's on the thinner side. Stamina is a thing that comes and goes for me. On the right night I can do the marathon thing (what I consider a marathon anyways, maybe an hour) but on many nights I can't hold out. She turns me on sooooo much it's impossible at times. Thankfully we have a few toys I can put into service but for her they don't compare. She can honestly fuck for hours. All fucking night and in any conceivable way. This girl really enjoys sex, can cum multiple times and then start all over again. She is a machine and deserves more. Sexually she deserves a real man, someone that can handle her and give her what she needs.

This is my inner cuckold coming out, what I've just written above. The last three paragraphs made me hard, made me crave it for her and make me think all of the obvious cuckold things. I want everything for her. She should have everything and more. She seems to want it, this as well. She has really started to embrace it. I am so blown away by her, her reactions to this and her apparent desire to find a real man or men to satisfy her that I can't really put it into words.

I'm making this an introductory post. That's why it may seem to some to jump all over the place, not contain any real details about our encounters or lifestyle thus far and even possibly be vague. Organising my thoughts with regard to what we are living is an overwhelming task at times. I have a hard time saying all of this to her. Even at times to the point of pissing each other off. In hindsight the little spats are funny and play no role in what we are going to do or try moving forward. We're husband and wife and it doesn't matter what you're doing, up to or talking about, sometimes you're gonna get on each other's nerves.

I'll end this by giving some details with regard to our journey thus far. We've tried the "strictly" hotwife thing a couple of times. Tried to try it on several other occasions but finding people, the right fit for us is hard.

So yeah it's my job. That being said it should be the cucks job to find the right man or men for his wife. If I can't give her what she needs then I am damn sure going to find a man that can. She deserves nothing less.

In upcoming posts I'm going to talk about Dan. He was our first "date" and an unequivocal success. Literally the first man we agreed to meet and it worked. This was a hotwife thing. Cuckolding wasn't on the table at this point yet likely lead to me wanting to become one and to her wanting me to become one. Her words, "He was the best I've ever had. The best sex of my life." My stomach does backflips thinking about that, those words coming from her lips.

Also Jordan. A disaster and not worth our time. Kind of a funny Story though. Cuckolding was on the table at this point but we'd have been better off cuckolding him!

Ray and Amanda. Went to a swingers meet and greet and met a great couple. It turns out that Amanda besides being bi is a cuckqueen (female cuckold) herself even if she doesn't know it. She is my cuck twin and that worked well because Ray did his best to destroy Abbie's pussy that night. Fun times.

Next will hopefully be a man named Josh that we've met online. He's down for what we've posted that we're looking for, and the first man that Abbie actually wants to meet and talk to without me doing the work. She has informed be I won't be invited. She took his number and is doing the communicating on her own. Its funny as I've never seen the instant reaction that she's had to his picture with any of our other potentials before. Not that she drooled but she did seem intrigued and instantly commented on how great his smile was. She's also told me that she thinks that she needs to start going it alone with him and any other possible men she might see.

The other night after a particularly fun night out, with Ray and Amanda actually, she told me that I'm a distraction. That I'm likely getting in the way of her really letting go and having a good time. That night while Amanda watched and Ray and I were having fun with Abbie she pushed me away. Stopped playing with me and focused on him. I was adding commentary and asking her how she liked it. She looked up at me from the bed as she was getting pounded from behind and told me to to shut up and stop talking.

I could have blown my load right then and there. When we got home from the evenings events we talked a little before going to sleep and said some things. I asked her why she did that and said those things. She clearly stated (and I think she was being honest finally without guilt) that she wants to start going this alone for the most part. That I'm a distraction and should just stay home and take what I am given. Some pics, texts and details when she comes back to me. Also that she has decided that she truly does need a bigger cock. That she has realised that even though she herself didn't believe it to be true she does now. A man much larger and stronger, more stamina and better in bed. She feels she deserves it.

I will say right now that I feel she does as well. She may have had some pangs of guilt saying it but did it anyway and if she's being truthful I am ecstatic. I am ready for this and will give her whatever she wants. This works for me, turns me on like nothing I've ever experienced and she has nothing to worry about.

I love you baby. I'm looking forward to this and much more. Let's hope Josh is the boyfriend type that we both want him to be! ??

To all of those reading I will write again about the experiences mentioned above and all of our adventures going forward. I'm also sorry if in anyway this is boring, rambling or just not interesting. As I said I'm not a writer and I am trying to make sure my wife gets some clear insight into her crazy husband.

Thanks for hanging in till the end folks!

Abbie and Cuck